seiteki9
seiteki9:

This post scares me, but here goes…
This… is me…
My name is Stéphanie, I am 30 years old and I weight 210 pounds.
As I was drawing this… I was trying not to cheat and show a portrait of me that was accurate.
I do not want to look like this.
I do not wish to be this heavy.
But I am…
I have got fat in places where you would NEVER believe could get bigger…
I suffer every day in this body that I have mistreated in any way possible.
I suffer the judgment of others constantly and do feel the gaze of others every… single… time…
I am aware that people don’t judge as much as I think they do, but it still makes me cry every single night.
What most people don’t know… is how HARD it is to loose weight, it takes discipline, sacrifices and as you try to work out… some people laugh…
I am aware that I should not have let myself go like this. I also know that depression and unhappy events in my life are never “good” reasons to become like this.
However… it did happen… and I am like this.
And now, I am caught in a vicious circle.
I am unhappy that I am obese, it makes me more depressed, I do not have the motivation to do something about it and I eat more.
It goes on… and on… and on…
I have tried to loose weight before and I keep on failing, every… single… time.
This cry of the heart is for myself.
I am doing this so that I can finally accept what I have done so that I can move on.
I have reached a point in my life where it is important for me to be healthy if I want to live longer.
I am afraid of sickness and I do not want to die because of it.
Yes…
This is me…
I still weight 210 pounds, but my heart feels lighter.
This time, I will win this battle and loose this weight not to be beautiful, not to be accepted but for my health, because I want to live so long that I can try many wonderful things in my life and reach my goals.

seiteki9:

This post scares me, but here goes…

This… is me…

My name is Stéphanie, I am 30 years old and I weight 210 pounds.


As I was drawing this… I was trying not to cheat and show a portrait of me that was accurate.

I do not want to look like this.

I do not wish to be this heavy.

But I am…

I have got fat in places where you would NEVER believe could get bigger…

I suffer every day in this body that I have mistreated in any way possible.

I suffer the judgment of others constantly and do feel the gaze of others every… single… time…

I am aware that people don’t judge as much as I think they do, but it still makes me cry every single night.

What most people don’t know… is how HARD it is to loose weight, it takes discipline, sacrifices and as you try to work out… some people laugh…

I am aware that I should not have let myself go like this. I also know that depression and unhappy events in my life are never “good” reasons to become like this.

However… it did happen… and I am like this.

And now, I am caught in a vicious circle.

I am unhappy that I am obese, it makes me more depressed, I do not have the motivation to do something about it and I eat more.

It goes on… and on… and on…

I have tried to loose weight before and I keep on failing, every… single… time.

This cry of the heart is for myself.

I am doing this so that I can finally accept what I have done so that I can move on.

I have reached a point in my life where it is important for me to be healthy if I want to live longer.

I am afraid of sickness and I do not want to die because of it.

Yes…

This is me…

I still weight 210 pounds, but my heart feels lighter.

This time, I will win this battle and loose this weight not to be beautiful, not to be accepted but for my health, because I want to live so long that I can try many wonderful things in my life and reach my goals.

excuse-the-shit-out-of-me

Everytime you step on a weight,
remember that the number shown
is a weight of your heart

Everytime you cut,
remember that your skin is a book
and your parents spent whole life writing it;
it will soon be read

Everytime you think it’s time to leave,
remember that parties only start after midnight
you wouldn’t want to miss all the fun

Everytime you wash your hands four times in a row,
remember that your sister doesn’t wash them
so it’s only fair if you wash yours for her

Everytime you can’t sleep,
remember that darkness is not only meant for nightmares,
it’s also peace and quiet and shining stars

Everytime you start crying after you just laughed,
remember that wind is also changing every second
and it still makes ships sail on the sea

Remember you’re flawed;
but so is everyone else.

You’re a warrior and life is your war -
there’s a victory hidden behind all of the people
that ever let you down, pushed you away and
made fun of you

Push past them, I say; shove them to the side
with your bare arms and grab your victory
cause your flaws are also your strenght.

And once you get there you’ll see:
you don’t need anyone to save you,
you can save yourself.

Remember  (via excuse-the-shit-out-of-me)